Marriage problems

[Vanishedsoul]

I have been married for almost a year now, and I dunno we are running into issues...Im starting to feel lost...any advice?

[handi-tard]

hang in there bud, it always seems to get a little rought after about the 1 year mark. I mean all the initial brain chemestry is out of wack for about the first year, then it goes back to normal, thats when the WORK of a relationship comes in. You know you love your wife, but that one little thing she does you cant freaking stand anymore, its little things like that. Best thing I can say is just keep the doors of communication completely open with your wife. i dont want to say hide, but things that you normally wouldnt bring up to your wife like stupid shit, start bringing it up. Turn your wife into one of your best friends so that you can be stupid and goofy and its all good with her. I hope that made at least some sense to someone here.

[Mongoloid]

great advice i would have to agree i wish i figured that out im not married and wasn't but i was wit my kids mom for 8years so pretty much we were. but after the 3 kids and everything we worked so much and feel apart we didn't communicate anymore and then the affections and interest feel apart and so pretty much its a done deal. Communication is key in a relationship. My father told me if you want it to work in the same house with a women all you need to do and say is YES DEAR. hahaha but nuthing is ever easy so we have to work at everything but it has to be 50/50 not more on the other. and plus kids play a HUGE role on a dent in a relationship so work together and stand by each other. i just wish i could of go back and worked harder at it, but she would of had done the same. be strong be tough and hang in there.

[household 6]

Hang in there! After the honeymoon period comes a "dormant" time. Stand and I went through this too. Every married couple does. Keep communication open. Remember what brought you together in the first place. Love her even when you don't want to. Be her best friend. Listen to each other. If you endure the hard times, it makes the good times so much sweeter. Life is hard. Finances get rough. But if you work together through everything, you will be a stronger, better couple in the end. I have had to make compromises and so has Stand, but we have been married for almost 14 years now and he is still my very best friend. I am more in love with him now than I was then. But believe me, we have had our moments. Stay strong and don't give up. When you want to walk away, hug her. That means a lot. When you want to say I'm through, tell her you love her. Believe me it will do good to your heart and hers. You guys will be ok I hope. :) Message me anytime you need advise. I will be here. :D

[POW]

ditch the bitch! All women do is fuck up mens lives!

[vince21]

mood-ruiner POW. :)

serious mood: love is fickle. it's easy to fall into and even easier to fall out of. it's
extremely complex, but oh so nice. honestly, the only thing that will make any
relationship last is hard work. the reason so many relationships fall apart these days is
because everyone gets used to their individuality and believe that they need to be
independent. which is just stupidity talking. we are a race that thrives on
companionship. we need the company and love of other individuals, especially a close
relationship. as has been said, you need to be the best friend of your wife and she
yours. this doesn't mean that you will always get along or that you will always look at
her with goggle eyes. but it does mean that you will always feel a deep connection to
her. she will always mean the world to you and you would do anything for her. open
communication is HUGE. you both need to be completely honest with each other. if
something is bothering either of you, you cannot just put it off to the side. it will be the
cause of a ridiculous fight later on, just used as ammo. instead, work through every
issue you both have. it will not only help solve the problems, but help you two to grow
closer together. another opinion of mine is to spend a little quality time with each other
every single day. even if it's just 20 minutes cuddling or reading a book together or
simply talking. it's intimate moments like this that will make the difference in
relationships. you need to always be part of each others' lives. go on a variety of
different dates too. just because you're married now doesn't mean you should let the
romance die. dating is what made you fall in love with each other in the first place. it
will help to grow your love to each other. always remember why you married each other
in the first place. for marriage to work, you have to remember what made you attempt
it in the first place and fight for it. it will only work if you want it to work. try and get
into some of each others' hobbies if possible. but don't force stuff like that either. you
both need your separate lives as well. sorry for the length. :) just message/post if you
want advice or whatnot. have fun! :razz:

[household 6]

Very nicely said Vince! Didn't think you had that in ya :P

Houseeee

[vince21]

lol, thx house. i'm deeper than you know. i played psychologist for a lot of friends back in
high school. kind of a gift i guess. i know people; how they work, how they think, how
they act. i can read them pretty well, so this kinda stuff interests me. :) yay for being
different.

[khaotik]

Pretty much.
Its distressing how many relationships are based around "love" when all they really are is lust. Its hard to advise someone, when they dont want your advice, and then after it goes sour, they blame you, or somesuch.
Funny stuff ey vince?




lol, thx house. i'm deeper than you know. i played psychologist for a lot of friends back in
high school. kind of a gift i guess. i know people; how they work, how they think, how
they act. i can read them pretty well, so this kinda stuff interests me. :) yay for being
different.

[vince21]

very khaotik, very. that's one of the prevalent problems in today's society. people focus
solely on themselves, viewing all relationships only from the benefits they receive from
them. so when all of them turn out crappy, they wonder what went wrong. humorous.
people really don't get how bad society is getting and the directions it's headed. scary
stuff there. scary stuff.

[khaotik]

Quit trolling Zao.
Grow up.


kill yourself

[rjk83]

One word... Communication.

Its very easy to write off, but most couples now don't ever actually resolve issues. Communication doesn't mean just talking as much as understanding and being able to work through issues and such. For the first couple years that my wife and I were married, we "communicated", but then we had to learn how to actually communicate. We never really resolved many problems but just pushed them off and it starting making a distance between us. It takes work for sure and you have to both be willing to work at it.

Good luck man. Also, don't be afraid to try counseling and/or a marriage retreat or similar. I've not really been to one but a couple buddies of mine went to a couple of them very early on in their marriage (<2 years in), and they have spoken extremely highly of it. They aren't just for "couples with problems" but moreso for "couples wanting to work to prevent problems and grow closer together".

I hope everything works out for you guys!