Life Changing Event?

[Vanishedsoul]

God Is love dude, God is love
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i was blown 30 feet out of a humvee in iraq while on patrol down bomb alley, our convoy was hit by a IED that took out the first humve the humvee i was driving was then hit by a rpg underneath the chasey, needless to 3 of my men were killed, i was left injured with Shrapnel scars down my legs and back as well a concussion.....and a tore ACL. needless to say i was spent some time at walter reed and then was sent home and put on Recruiting duty where i stayed for a year and then decided not to put in for re-enlistment and instead applied to the University of Washington where i study Psychology to be a Drug and Alcohol counselor. I intend to get into a field where i work with Vets home from was past present and future and help to work through some of the issues that push them to the bottle, bet yall didnt know that.....
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ok where do i start ?? of first off I'm gonna come completely clean when i have dropped off the face of the earth this last time it was cause i went into a christian program for life changing and basically for guys that have never learned to let go and guys addicted to something most drugs alcohol or pills but some like me just alcohol, weed, porn, money, and games and basically just tiring to get my life right. the times before that i was either staying with my aunt who has cancer and diabetes, my mother whom is extremely bipolar and her alcoholic or my brother and his wife who both hate me staying with them and whom are both Anti Christ i also have spent some time in extended stay hotels or cheap places for rent or in a homeless shelter a few times which is the program was that i was in to give a brief over view of my life (cause the long version is 40 pages long i know cause i had to write a 0 to 12 yrs old and a 13 to present about my life) i was born to my mother and father who were both doing every drug out there in the 70's i had spinal meningitis when i was 3mos old and lost all hearing in my left ear my father was a thief and a drug dealer at the time and progressed to him being a serial child molester of little girls usually under 13 years old and a raper i remember and i will never get this out of my head him having my mother tied to the bed post when i was 3 years old and beating and torturing her and raping her at the same time. i lived with him a few times growing up and he always treated me like shit my brother too. i have been molested in the past by him and he raped my half sister and my brothers first wife. the last time i saw him was over 15 years old bout when i was 16 when my grandfather pasted away ( his father ) my grandmother pasted away bout a year later he was there they let him come to the funeral in handcuffs and chains and leg irons cause he had just raped a 13 year old sheriffs daughter.between the physical abuse among other things i took from him and the verbalize mental and physical abuse from my mother. i have been thought 4 elementary schools, 5 middle schools and 2 high schools, i have had a hard time living a good life and having stability and finding out who i am my mother has been married 3 times with countless boyfriends most being alcoholics like her current boyfriend and u can imagine what i went thou with them i have live at a boys home and a few halfway houses and with complete strangers just to have a roof over my head including the on guy who was a ex co-worker of mine who was gay and force me to have sex with him so he wouldn't kick me out in the cold i could go on an on for hours but i need to stop her before i break down i have so many fronts like zaku that i don't know who is the real me i have the wound up tight like a ball when around any of my family, the nervous and shaking like a leaf and like walking around on eggshells when with my mother and boyfriend, i have the over attention getter and over eager and extremely hard worker when at work or in public and i have the overly funny and happy go lucke to try and get attention when on line or in game or out in clubs cause all i want is love, acceptance, happiness and to be wanted to be around and friendship. i have all these fronts cause i have a wall built up around my heart and soul so BIG AND THICK that i won't let anyone too close to my real feelings cause my heart is shattered into a billion pieces like glass and it would take a miracle worker to repair my heart and soul

ALL I WANT IS TO BE LOVED

god is love dude

[Sadistic]

God Is love dude, God is love
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i was blown 30 feet out of a humvee in iraq while on patrol down bomb alley, our convoy was hit by a IED that took out the first humve the humvee i was driving was then hit by a rpg underneath the chasey, needless to 3 of my men were killed, i was left injured with Shrapnel scars down my legs and back as well a concussion.....and a tore ACL. needless to say i was spent some time at walter reed and then was sent home and put on Recruiting duty where i stayed for a year and then decided not to put in for re-enlistment and instead applied to the University of Washington where i study Psychology to be a Drug and Alcohol counselor. I intend to get into a field where i work with Vets home from was past present and future and help to work through some of the issues that push them to the bottle, bet yall didnt know that.....
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god is love dude

dude! my best friend has the same kinda story but it was an IED it was a roadside... he broke is femur and his jaw in two places and was in critical condition for 2 weeks, and he was in the hospital for a long long time, now hes good and hes going back to iraq in 2010!

As for me my grandmother had passed away not all that long ago (this summer) and she had Lou Gherigs disease and Muscular Distrophy among the few problems that she had. I visited her a few times but not near as many as i should. My mom and my dad worked hard all there lives to give me and my siblings what we have today.. and while there were doing so she was the one taking car of me, my bro and my sis. I cant tell you how much i wish i would have visited her more.. but i hated seeing her like that so i didnt...

And sios i feel ya there but not to the same extent... I dated a girl from when i was 16 til i was 20 and thought i (i know its corny lol) found the "one" we dated for almost 4 years.. i know i was young.. but i knew what i wanted and i knew that she was it. Well needless to say.. Got my heart ripped out and stepped on. Im not the same person i was b4 anymore... SHE STILL fucks with me like as much as possible.. she just recently got my best friend to start talking bout me bhind my back and now they are dating. So needless to say we arent "best friends" any more. which is a big part of y my css hours have grown so much.